Passion
by multiplicities
Summary: I want to hate you. I want to tear you apart and break you until you cry. But you, you can't even see me anymore, can you?


I still remember looking at you the first time I saw you.

Do you remember me? I was the idiot senpai who sent you on the scenic path towards your destination.

I remember the way you looked. All cocky smile, and almost golden eyes, and something about you that just irritated the heck out of me.

I'm good at dissimulation, too. I can act friendly or whatever if I need to.

So I sent you down the wrong path, so when you finally found out, I could see you snap. Did you know that? That, from that very first day, I wanted to see that perfect little mask of yours break. So I could see what was beneath all that sarcasm and arrogance you wear so effortlessly.

But I didn't realize that it wasn't a mask, after all. Not until now, that is.

You nearly beat me, that day. All the other little freshmen were cowering in a corner, defeated by the big, bad senpai.

Not you.

Never you.

You just _looked_ at them, and – it's like dogs, I guess. They _knew_ they were in the presence of someone, something stronger.

They were scared, but instead of fleeing they tried to fight.

They lost, of course. So I challenged you instead.

At the time, I still thought I had a chance. Heh, just shows that my senses were probably less developed than theirs. After all, you hadn't showed anything particularly eye-catching against them, just more experience. I thought I could win.

A few minutes into the match, I was glad that one of my legs was injured. Because otherwise, I would never have had an excuse for losing to you.

It pricked, you know? That this unknown freshman could think that he could just walk in here and defeat me, all without ever showing any remorse.

I wanted, at that moment, to see you lose. I wanted to see you fall to the ground and weep and scream and –.

I don't know what I want.

Maybe I never wanted to see you, to look at you again.

But at practice, there you were. Again.

You can never resist showing off, can you? You could have asked for someone else's racket, I'm sure one of your "friends" or a regular like Oishi would have been glad to lend you theirs. Well, Oishi would probably have stopped the match. You just had to play Arai.

I'm certain that you knew, even before you stepped onto the court, that you would win. Honestly? I was expecting it. Out of everyone else watching, I was probably the least surprised to see you bounce back from what looked like certain defeat to complete victory.

I have to admit, though, even I was a little surprised at seeing you beat Kaidoh and Inui-senpai. But you did it again, going from the brink of defeat to destroying your opponents.

Did you know, Echizen? I never offered you a ride out of kindness. I certainly wasn't a good upperclassman looking out for younger students. I may not be Inui-senpai, but I'm probably better at figuring a single person out from constant observation.

Besides, no one notices the class clown. Not even the prodigy.

Especially not the prodigy.

So, I watched. As you beat Fudomine's genius, as you defeated Fuji-senpai's little brother, as you destroyed Akutsu Jin.

I realized something.

You don't care, do you?

Oh, tennis is your passion, I'll grant you that. But nothing else.

When that guy made you lose your grip on your racket and you hurt yourself, I watched. You weren't angry, I could tell. Besides that initial wince of pain, there were no other signs of discomfort. You weren't even afraid that the match might end with your defeat.

You just showed determination, and something else. Something even I find scary.

Indifference.

That's your secret, isn't it? You don't just pretend not to care, you really _don't_ care. The injury to your eye didn't matter because the person who'd caused it meant nothing to you.

And the moment you defeated him, he might as well as disappeared.

Kaidoh and Inui-senpai, too. The moment you defeated them, they stopped existing in your world.

That girl, who keeps following you around. You weren't lying about not remembering her name. She doesn't play tennis nearly well enough to catch your attention and she never will. She still follows you around like a puppy, you know?

It doesn't matter. I'd tell her to give up, but I'm sort of happy to see someone else suffer from your indifference.

I know buchou defeated you once. You're obsessed with him at the moment, I can tell.

So you'll follow all the rules of being in a team, and working together to get that all-important trophy. For now, you'll play along with our happy little family of a team.

But one day, you'll defeat him too and all the months you've spent wanting to fight him again and concentrating on him will mean nothing anymore. _He'll_ mean nothing to you anymore.

I still wonder, sometimes, what would happen if you got defeated in such a way that you could never recover. But knowing you, you'd probably just concentrate harder and work more to defeat your new opponent, right?

Like with your father.

You'll defeat him someday. Since it's you, and all.

Then you'll forget him too.


End file.
